


spirited back

by guan_lupe



Series: ghibli [2]
Category: Sen to Chihiro no Kamikakushi | Spirited Away
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Canon Compliant, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, Divine to Human, Drama, Dreams, Dysfunctional Family, Ecology, F/M, Fluff, Forbidden Love, Hurt/Comfort, Japanese Culture, Japanese Mythology & Folklore, Magical Realism, Post-Canon, Relationship(s), Shinto, Technology
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 11:14:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17344277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guan_lupe/pseuds/guan_lupe
Summary: a river god must make a choice about his destiny; a years-after fichaku ღ chihiro(originally posted 2012)





	1. spirited

**Author's Note:**

> lol this was from a long time ago 
> 
> and now ariana grande has a tattoo of chihiro ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Society made me sick. I needed to escape. I needed to be a child again. I ran down my street to the abandoned theme park. The day was perfect and bright; I remembered things. Childhood, ice cream and Pocky's and cool sneakers that would light up when I took a step. My father had forbidden me from ever walking across the great expanse of land between the park entrance and the dirty little run-down village. I couldn't seem to remember why, but I never disobeyed him. It was time. I was nineteen now.

As I walked across that ocean of grass I felt a chill run through me, a sense of familiarity. Every step felt as though I were walking into a great mystery. When I reached the faded village and stepped onto the path I felt a gust of wind which I normally would have thought nothing of, except it smelled like cooking.

"Hello?" I called down the street.

I felt very stupid. This place was obviously abandoned. My presence seemed odd and intrusive. I thought: why did I even come here? I turned to run back across the field when I heard footsteps around the bend.

"I really am starting again to work too hard," muttered a female voice, flippantly. "If I didn't know better I'd say I was hearing Sen. As if she'd been hearing Haku calling her name all these nights."

A young woman appeared before me, with long dark hair, wearing an apron, and gasped. "I was right," she exclaimed, placing one hand over her mouth and extending the other towards me, finger pointed. "Sen!"

Intuition demanded I run away. I turned on my heel but was forced to stop short. The acre of land had turned to water. Shock and terror seized me, my throat fell into my stomach and I turned desperately back to the woman.

"You have to come to the bath-house," she said, and grabbed my arm. "Now."

I couldn't scream. Why couldn't I scream? I had to be dreaming. Before I could think when and how I'd fallen asleep, I was spirited away, through the abandoned village streets and to a bridge before a great old-fashioned bath-house. Then I could distinctly feel the woman's grip, could feel the stitch in my side from running and the ragged breath through my lungs.

"This isn't a dream," I cried aloud. Now, I truly began to panic.

"Sorry, sweetie." The woman gazed up at the bath-house glittering in the sun. "We don't have time to reminisce, so you're going to have to trust me. You've been here before. Years ago, and you left quite an impression. But, someone needs your help and you must have heard him because here you are."

Though frightened out of my mind, something stirred within my heart. It assured me that I'd be all right, despite the impossible situation. I let the woman drag me across the bridge.

"I'm Lin, by the way," she said. "Nice to see you again, Sen. Or, Chihiro, because I guess that's your true name, isn't it?"

"This is so bizarre," I whispered.

We entered the bath-house and I saw a great, albeit empty, reception hall.

"Just you wait," said Lin.

"What do you mean?" My trembling voice echoed through the hall.

I saw a giant frog dressed in a bathrobe approach, on hind legs. My skin crawled. I suppressed a gasp.

"Remember Chihiro?" said Lin to it. "She's come to see Haku."

The frog looked at me. "Is that right?"

I nodded, dazed.

He took one of many tokens hanging on the wall behind a desk and handed it to Lin. "In case you need to take any shortcuts," he said, "so no one will give you a hard time."

"Wish you were as quick to give me these on a normal basis," Lin muttered to it, then took my hand and led me into a labyrinth of straw walls, behind which I could see great bathtubs.

"What is this place?" I asked.

"This is a bath-house for spirits," said Lin. "That frog you just saw is the assistant manager of this place, the manager is Yubaba. It's strange having to repeat all of this to you, jeez. It seems only yesterday you were here, working. You sure you don't remember anything? Does nothing look familiar?"

"Something's keeping me from running away screaming," I confessed dazedly. "Who's Haku?"

Lin had brought me to an elevator. She pushed the number 12 and sighed. The elevator door opened and we stepped inside. "Haku was a river-god before he made some bad choices and ended up here as Yubaba's henchman. He couldn't escape for two reasons: one, he didn't know his true name, having forgotten it after his river was drained; and two, Yubaba had placed a curse on him that you actually released when you were here. You also remembered his name for him. You really freed him. But, you left, having to go back to the human world. Haku left too, in order to find another river to guard. But, he came back because going from river to river still hasn't found him a place and he fears he'll die. Yubaba knows powerful magic and has been trying to help Haku, but to no avail. He's weak." Lin adopted a sympathetic expression, and it looked odd on a face molded to be perpetually cynical. "All we know is he calls your name. Chihiro. I had actually forgotten that was your true name, since we always called you Sen."

I buried my face in my hands. This seemed so familiar yet I could summon no recollection. "How long ago was I here?" I asked.

"About eight or nine years ago," Lin said.

The elevator opened to a large, beautiful foyer. Lin took my arm again and led me to a pair of double-doors on the right.

"What am I supposed to do?" I whispered.

"I don't know. You knew what to do before."

Then, suddenly, a whirlwind of energy overcame me and pulled me forward through the doors and down countless halls. Now, I screamed. I scrunched my eyes and keened despairingly as I flew. I fell through another pair of double-doors and into a dark, lavish office. The force released me and I fell forward onto my hands and knees.

"Seeeeeen," croaked an elderly female voice. "Or shall I say, Chihiro. So good to see you again."

I rose, achingly, and saw an ancient woman with an unusually large head, too much makeup and talon-like fingernails. "What do you want with me?" I gasped.

The woman laughed, exposing her full denture. "You seemed to find your way back here, dear," she crooned. "No one forced you."

I looked around in despair. Where was I? What was I expected to do for a river-god?

"Haku has been calling for you," she continued. "You must have heard him."

"I don't know or remember anything about Haku," I said. "I don't know what you think I can do."

"Well, come and look at him."

She walked to a curtain on one wall and held it open for me. Warily, I looked beyond. The room was dark, but I could see littered everywhere toys of all shapes and sizes. From the ceiling shone glittering stars. Against one wall of this peculiar room was a large bed with overhanging curtains. Just then I felt a tug on my sock. I looked down and almost screamed again: a small pink mouse, rather plump, was trying to grab my attention. Next to it stood a tiny black bird.

"This is so familiar," I muttered as once again I buried my face in my hands.

"Soon enough, you'll remember," the woman said. "Haku will make you remember."

I looked at her.

"I am Yubaba, by the way," she said, eyes seeming to light on fire. "All fond memories of me will return in due time. Now, if I must insist, go and help Haku. From what I remember, you were very fond of each other, and he certainly seems to want you now. Go on."

Sensing something deeper than I could consciously decipher, trusting my instinct, I walked toward the bed. I could see, by the shadow, Yubaba closing the curtain. I turned to her and begged, "Don't leave me alone!"

"Trust me," she said in a low voice, "Haku is dangerous and capable of great destruction, but he would never harm a hair on your pretty little head." She closed the curtain.

* * *

**to be continued...**


	2. remembering haku

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> is this cheesey? yaaasss, it is.

I approached the bed, squinting in the dark. I extended my hand until I felt curtains.

"Haku?" I ventured.

"Chihiro," said a relieved voice from within.

I waited. "What do you want?" I finally asked.

"I know you don't remember me," it said. "When you left this place years ago, I told you not to look back. I couldn't keep you here. But, you're older now, and I'm asking you for help."

"Why?" I could hear hitching breath, and a struggle to speak: "I'm weak without anything to guard. My river's gone, devastated by humanity. Its name, my true name, only you remember, from when you saved me from Yubaba."

I waited.

The voice continued, "Say my name again, Chihiro."

Unable to hold curiosity back any longer, my sight now accustomed to the dark, I opened the curtains and peered within. There lay on the bed a young man. It was difficult to see in the blacker darkness, but he looked about seventeen years old. His large eyes gazed at me, and while they held potential to smolder they were tired and worn. Seeing him strummed something in me.

When I spoke, my voice shook: "But, I don't know your name. I thought it was Haku."

"Haku must only be part of it," he said. "Can you remember my true name?"

"Look," I said, despair boiling over, "I'm sorry this is happening to you, but I have no idea where I am or who you are or how any of this is happening. How can I remember your true name if I couldn't remember Haku? How could I've experienced something like this and remembered nothing?"

"It's because you're human. Humans can't-" he shivered involuntarily. "Humans can't retain memories of the spirit world while they're in the human world."

"Why can't I remember while I'm here?"

The young man shifted and spoke: "Because you're carrying the human world in your heart, and it's keeping your memory shut." His voice softened. "You've lived too long in the human world, and have lost your sense of wonder. When you were a child, you opened your heart without question. You embraced this world and everyone in it. You must be like that again, and then your memories of this place will return and remain with you while you're here."

"How?"

Then I remembered something. "Things happened." My heart raced. "Things happened in my childhood that I can't explain now. There was a purple hair-tie that I can't remember ever finding but that just appeared in my hair the day I moved here. And... and a time I almost drowned but ended up safe on shore. The two things connect, don't they? Probably because I could never figure either of them out. The lake or river incident was when I was very young-" My eyes opened wide to Haku.

"A river," I breathed. "You're a river-god. The one who saved me."

Haku closed his eyes. In my mind, I stood on a great precipice. I knew no other alternative than to jump. "Then, you're Nigihayami Kohaku Nushi."

Memories flooded me like pouring waterfalls: colorful, poignant and real. I allowed myself the fill, breathing deeply. Tears sprung to my eyes and I buried my face in my hands. I was back.

"Haku!" I cried, the yearning raw in my throat. I looked up at my old spirit-friend. Haku lay as though unconscious, eyes shut, unmoving.

"Chihiro," he breathed.

"Nigihayami Kohaku Nushi. Oh, Kohaku, I came back!"

I strode toward Kohaku. Weakly, he lifted his arms. Climbing into his bed I embraced him, I held him close, he who'd rescued me from the perils of this world. The white dragon.

"Thank you," Kohaku said. I pulled back to see him clearly; his green eyes sparkled again. He brought together his thumb and forefinger and blew on the point where they met. His breath turned to fragmented light, which illuminated both our faces.

"How've I survived so long without you?" Kohaku ran a palm across my tear-stained cheek.

"Why didn't you let me remember you?" I moaned.

Kohaku stroked my fingers. "No human may withstand memories of the spirit world while in the human one," he explained. "They'd think of nothing else but returning. You were a child. I knew you loved me, and I would have kept you here, but I also knew you loved your parents, naturally, and relied on them. You needed to grow up in the human world, become independent, then choose to return."

"It was just a feeling I had," I confessed. "A need to escape reality."

"I've called you several times before." Kohaku tightened his grip on my hand. "But, you must've been ready today."

"You're right: I would have thought every day about coming back." I sighed. "So many memories have returned, of you, and No Face, Yubaba, and Lin. You saved my parents and me. I'm sorry I didn't remember you right away."

"I know why you didn't," Kohaku said. "The human world's often cruel, closing people's hearts. Even stepping back into the spirit world doesn't bring back the memories. But you remembered, from your experiences in the human world, the mysteries of your purple hair-tie and river-rescue. These deep, inexplicable things were the keys to your memories of this place. You were always beautiful, Chihiro, and instinctively knew what was important. You haven't changed." He kissed my cheek.

"What can I do to help?" I asked.

Kohaku sighed and held me closer. Some time passed before he spoke. "I want to be close to you."

I swallowed. "Do you mean you want me to stay here with you?"

"No," Kohaku replied. "I'd never ask you to leave your world. I want to be human with you, and live in your world."

My breath caught; something in me had expected this, yet it still seemed so unreal. I looked into Kohaku's eyes and saw love and determination and a little bit of fear. I sighed, knowing I couldn't live my life without him anyway, and the intensity washed over me.

"Will you take me with you?" Kohaku asked.

"Yes," I replied. "But, why do you want to leave the spirit world?"

"As I said, I've nothing more to guard, and also, I want to be human. Because I don't possess a human body I don't sense human things. I don't feel the emotions you do. My kind doesn't procreate, so I don't feel that sacred pull for mating."

I blushed. Kohaku saw and smiled, and said, "I want to be human."

"But you are a beautiful god: forever young and healthy and possessing unbelievable powers. Your dragon form is magnificent. You'd really give that up for humanity?"

"The only two times being a god meant anything were when I had my river and when you freed me from Yubaba's spell," Kohaku said. "My river's gone and now you have come back to me. You've shown me my destiny."

"I'll help you," I said, "but I wish you'd reconsider. I'd be happy staying here in the spirit world with you. There was a reason for me coming here today, besides hearing you in my heart: I wanted to get away. Things in my world are soiled and corrupt, I can't take it anymore. Isn't that why Yubaba's bath-house exists? For spirits and gods to cleanse themselves of pollution and negativity? I'd be willing to stay here with you, and do what it takes to become a spirit."

Kohaku sighed. "It's not like that, sweetheart. You can't be a spirit if you were born a human." Something about that made me feel very separate from him.

"Well, what about when I die?"

Kohaku shook his head. "I can't say what happens to humans when they die, but they don't become gods or spirits."

"But, then-" It was beginning to dawn on me. "If you become a human, won't you be able to return to godhood when you die?"

Kohaku gazed silently into my eyes for a moment, penetratingly. I sighed, realizing he was considering giving up his immortality.

"Everything in my life points toward me becoming human," Kohaku said. "Believe me. Don't give up on the human world. You came from there, didn't you? And I love you. Both the spirit world and the human one have their beauties and their problems. But, if you would help me, I'd like to teach humans about nature, in hopes that they don't drain other rivers like they did mine. Together, we can make the human world a better place."

Exhausted, unable to argue, I nodded. Kohaku cradled me in his arms. Safe, more safe than I'd felt in ten years, I drifted off.

I dreamed of flying with Kohaku, above the clouds and through the stars. The dragon felt so warm and powerful beneath me. I clung to it and wept into the mane.

"It's my choice to give this up," said Kohaku's voice. "I know what's best for me. I'd rather you feel joy than sadness. It's consolation."

Kohaku slithered across the sky.

"Promise me?" I whispered.

Kohaku soared up towards the glowing moon. "I promise!"

We both awoke some time later.

"Were you talking to me in my dreams?" I asked.

"Your dreams are your own," he replied.

I rubbed my eyes and decided, instead of lingering on any argument, to take a better look around me. "This is Boh's room!" I said excitedly.

Kohaku "mhm'ed" and continued, "Though he prefers sleeping outdoors now, as a mouse."

I grinned. "I would love to see everyone again. Do you think we can before we go back to the human world?"

"We have time," he said, smiling, knowing I'd found peace with his resolution to become human. "Remember that time in the spirit world is quicker than in the human one. You can spend days here and have only ten minutes pass in the human world."

"Take all the time you wish to say goodbye," I urged.

Kohaku kissed the inside of my wrist.

Emerging from the baby's room found us face-to-face with Yubaba.

"Do you remember?" she asked.

I bowed, smiling. "Yes, ma'am. Greetings, Yubaba-sama."

Yubaba cackled. "And Haku seems to have completely recovered," she observed. "Well, it's good to see you again, Chihiro."

"You as well," I replied. "I hope business is well."

"Don't hope, my dear." Yubaba gave me a hard look. "The more business we get, the more the world's polluted." I nodded. "Now, tell me: are you staying here or is Haku going to live with you?"

Kohaku and I looked at each other in astonishment.

"Don't act so surprised," drawled Yubaba. "I had a feeling it would come down to you being together."

"Yubaba-sama," said Kohaku, expression serious, "thank you for everything you've done for me, but I'm going to live in the human world, out of Chihiro's generosity."

"Better for you, really," Yubaba muttered, more to herself, looking him up and down. "I'm sure you're aware of the consequences of living in the human world, how you can never be a god again."

Unflinching, Kohaku nodded.

The pink mouse and black bird climbed up onto Yubaba's shoulders and peered expectantly at me.

"Hello, guys!" I said. They waved.

"And what about you, dearie?" asked Yubaba. "What are you going to do with our Haku in the human world?"

I sighed. I imagined that for the first few weeks, I would have to have to hide Kohaku. Then, if he liked, in the summer, he could stay in my house in the country, in the wild, where I imagined he'd be happiest.

"Kohaku says he wants to teach about nature." I spoke directly to Kohaku, "You may be too young-looking to pass for a professor, Kohaku-san, but with your brilliance you could attend university till you grow older, and be a tremendous pioneer in ecology."

Kohaku merely gazed. "Could we live together in the country?"

I reddened at the idea of spending the rest of my life with him.

"I-I'm sure we could work that out," I stuttered, blushing more and smiling in spite of myself.

Yubaba let out a huge cackle. "How sweet!" she mocked. "Heh. Well, I don't want to delay the excitement. Off you go."

"I want to say goodbye to this world first!" I exclaimed.

"Oh, all right," said Yubaba, grimacing. "I'm sure everyone will be thrilled to see you again."

I squeezed Kohaku's hand and turned to my beloved. "Let this night be one you remember," he said, kissing my hand.

* * *

**to be continued...**


	3. flying

Remembering my childhood adventures in the spirit world felt like rebirth. Now, everything felt right; I understood why I had wanted so badly to get away from my human world. I had lunch with Kamaji, freaking out once more upon seeing his multiple arms but chuckling at his wisdom and stories, learning more spells to ward off evil, playing with the soot-balls. I realized I had never truly thanked him for giving over his only train tickets, without question. He only smiled a mysterious smile and implied something about a man's duty to family. Kohaku and I would spend years wondering exactly what family Kamaji had in the bath-house... Yubaba and Boh? That would explain some things. As we helped Lin in her chores, Kohaku kept apologizing about the stoic way he'd always acted around her, and Lin swore she'd forgive him only if he protected me forever, to which we both blushed. Lin had been a human who was granted admission into the bath-house in exchange for survival; she was caught in an avalanche and the mountain god pitied her when she pleaded to be saved and argued that the only way she could survive was to become slave to the witch Yubaba's bath-house and Lin, in desperation agreed. It was something she said she doesn't regret but something that's kept her from death. "When I'm ready... I'll go." I'll always wonder when she'll rest.

It came time to see Zeniba. Kohaku flew us in his dragon form. When we landed, he nuzzled me with his snout. I gazed at the magnificent beast, long and powerful, silky and proud. As if he could read my thoughts he threw his head back and breathed fire to the sky. We approached Zeniba's small house and knocked on her door.

"I've been expecting you," she said when she answered, smiling softly.

After bowing, we sat down to tea with her and No Face, who had developed a wonderfully happy expression.

"So you two finally found each other," commented Zeniba. "I knew you would. Now it's a matter of situating you. What are your plans?"

Kohaku insisted I speak and I told Zeniba and No Face that he was coming to live with me. Zeniba didn't flinch. She turned tenderly to Kohaku and said, "That is wise and courageous of you, river god."

Kohaku acknowledged the praise. "Chihiro and I acknowledge that the human world is becoming very sick. And it is time- wouldn't you say Zeniba-sama?- that we spirits begin making ourselves more evident to the humans. We are, after all, their partners."

Zeniba looked at Kohaku over her glasses. "You may be a thousand years old, Nigihayama Kohaku Nushi, and yet you are still naïve. But, then again, the link you dragons have with the prophecies of humans is extraordinary." She chuckled. "You may be right."

No Face suddenly cooed. In a strange way, like I had been able to years ago, I could read his mind. So I interpreted what he told me: "You remember, don't you, No Face? It was another river god we thought was a stink spirit, until we cleaned him of all the pollution, who gave me the healing herb that saved you from gluttony and greed." No Face nodded. Then, sadly, he pointed to his own mouth. "We feel like that at times in the human world," I assured him. "It's easy to."

"It's easy in the spirit world too," remarked Zeniba, refilling my cup of genmaicha tea. "As my sister Yubaba will attest to. Though, I daresay, dear girl, you had quite a positive influence on her. In fact, you have a positive influence on most everyone you meet."

No Face cooed again. I blushed and bowed my head. "You are all very special to me," I managed. "It was my memories of your kindness, Kohaku, your river-rescue and Zeniba and No Face, your purple hair-tie, that brought the rest of my memories back. You helped me. Thank you."

Zeniba smiled and gave me one last piece of advice: "Don't be so harsh in judging humankind. You all, despite your many misgivings, are extraordinary creatures."

We left Zeniba's a short while after and soared through the sky for Kohaku's last flight. He flew brilliantly, sailing through the stars in all his glory. As if he could feel my affection, he flew higher until the world below seemed a great marble surface. Among the damp, moist clouds, I felt free of everything. At that moment I realized that I'd spend the rest of my life revering this magnificent soul beneath me. He slithered beneath me as we grazed the heavens. Soon enough, we met another bright-red river god flying. Kohaku neared her and both dragons sailed side-by-side, synchronized down to their flickering tails. They raced, while I screamed in fear and laughed in joy, until the other spirit bid farewell with a spectacular twist in the air and then flew off. The night was dewy and warm, but the flight so high made me very cold. As we lowered closer to earth, my skin grew wet. I felt a great drowsiness. Kohaku flew close enough to another river's glossy surface that I was able to lean over and run my fingertips across it. I could see my reflection beaming at me, a thousand suns in my smile. By the time we arrived back at the bath-house, I was almost asleep.

To my pleasant surprise, Yubaba had organized a surprise farewell celebration for Kohaku. "For you as well," snapped the old woman. We, flattered, stayed awake to celebrate.

Soon enough, I beseeched Kohaku: "Go into the night again. Fly all the time you need to." He shook his head. The rest of the night tumbled forward in a flurry of colors and delights.

I'll never forget how kind the spirits were, how they embraced me though I was human, how special they made me feel. To this day, I think of them, all of them: wise and kind Kamaji; generous, affable Lin; powerful Yubaba; disciplined Zeniba; mysterious No-Face. I like to believe I feel them everywhere. In the trees, the earth, the rivers and oceans, in the sky, flying toward the sun. I tell my children stories about them, just as they're falling asleep, so that they can dream of the spirits and gain their protection. I teach them to love their surroundings, and communicate with the earth. I believe they have, within them, fractions of their father's incredible power from when he was a river god, though they were conceived from his human form. But, they came some time later, and there is much else to tell after that last night in the spirit world.

* * *

**to be continued...**


	4. transformation

It was early dawn on the bridge and Kohaku kissed my cheek.

"Please," I whispered, "you must be sure. I love you, no matter what."

Kohaku smiled knowingly. "It'll be all right."

It returned to me: the idea that he would protect me, even from myself. We crossed the bridge, never looking back, and entered town. Instead of taking the normal route to arrive at the great grassy plain between town and the clock tower, we walked down a street that brought us to a smaller plain with a forest beyond. I held on to Kohaku's arm as we entered the dawn-misty woods. The trees shivered with emotion, as if they knew what would transgress. Finally, we reached a small river running crystal-clear water. He released my hand and approached it wonderingly, almost trance-like. I knew this was his own moment, completely, and didn't think twice about waiting quietly on the banks.

Kohaku walked into the river until he was waist-deep. I'd never seen him in water before; he was radiant. It seemed that although he served water, like a disciple would its master, the way the waves caressed him, reverently, suggested a reverse relationship. He closed his eyes.

"Water," he called, and I could hear him, "from you I was born. You've led me, through trials and suffering, through joys and revelations, to this decision. I'm to become mortal. In my heart, I know it is right. Should it be wrong, reveal it to me now." He waited. "I knew it," he said, and I almost couldn't hear it. He was smiling, eyes still closed. "Take from me now, then, my immortality, so I may tie myself to space and time and one day die. I can't decipher any other path for myself. It's through human love that I've learned to live. Water, my creator, please make me human."

Then, abruptly, a great force pulled Kohaku beneath the water's surface, leaving a still surface. Turquoise liquid seeped from the circumference of his submersion. It flowed quickly, steadily, until it reached the shores where it turned to brilliant light and sowed itself in the earth. It climbed the trees. It evaporated, filling the air with perfume. His power. The entire forest shone for an instant with it, myself included, gloriously, then absorbed it in one great, filling breath. I felt tears run down my cheeks as his immortality momentarily touched me; sorrow weighed down my heart.

Kohaku came up, then, splashing, gasping, gulping breath. He got to his feet, wiping his face with his hands and back through his hair, and opened his eyes for me. In that moment, we gazed: I, from the banks, he, from the river. We gazed wonderingly, seeing each other anew. How much more physical he had become! His green eyes now shone with innocence and curiosity where once had been deep wisdom; his aura radiated emotion where it had once divine knowing. He was messy. Human. Finally, we were the same, and could empathize with one another. Finally, though it was beautiful before, it was beautiful now, only differently.

He walked toward me, a hopeful smile playing on his lips. I jumped down from a rock I had perched on, into the water, and splashed toward him until we met in an embrace I thought I'd never be released from alive.

"Chihiro." His voice was charged with feeling. He kissed me on the lips and it was scorching compared to those between age-old spirit and young mortal. I burned in his arms: his human mouth, his scent, the touch of his embrace, the feel of him pulling me closer against him drove me into near unconsciousness. I swooned, breaking the kiss and trying to regain myself. Realizing the force of his passion, Kohaku loosened his hold, becoming gentler and more tender as he held me and caressed my face. We gazed into each others' eyes, smiling, and soon released each other. Kohaku adopted an introspective expression, into himself, eyes closed again, exploring the workings of the human mind. His breathing calmed, and I watched as his hand moved to his chest, to his beating heart.

"Finally," he whispered, and he could have been addressing his own self or myself, I wasn't sure. Watching him, my own heart beat on joyfully.

* * *

**to be continued...**


	5. presentation

We had a plan. We ran through the forest together, palms pressed together, past sparkling tree gods and spirits of wind and water. When we reached the main road that led back to my house, we turned to one another.

"Chihiro," Kohaku said earnestly. "This is it."

"I know. Don't worry, I'll be with you in this new world."

"I don't doubt it."

"Kohaku, remember the plan: you're a friend of my friend Anka and you're staying with her, because you study ecology in the Sapporo University and here to do research on plants of the area. I forgot to tell my parents you were coming. We met at a party a few years back and have been keeping in contact through the Internet. You're named Haku Nushi. You're eighteen years old. You've lived in Sapporo all your life and love nature. You're an only child. This is to avoid my parents probing even more. Everything else is up to you."

Despite all this newness, Kohaku exuded confidence as he nodded. As we walked the streets, he looked around. I realized how alien this was for him, coming from such a magical world into a violently technical one, where people preferred connecting to their iPhones rather than to each other. I didn't live in Tokyo or any city that compared to it, but my suburb was still nonetheless dry. The only reminder that there was something deeper and more meaningful than cars and fashion were the legends we maintained in the foreground of our culture, that the little shrines in the forest were supposed to hold spirits of the earth. Remnants of traditions long gone. Wives' tales.

Arriving home, my mother was stunned to meet such a handsome, young man who I introduced according to plan."Is he the reason you ran away so suddenly today?" she asked me, not missing an opportunity to slice me.

"I forgot that he was coming, and when I called Anka she asked if I could show him the town today since she has class."

My mother maintained a smile. She looked only at me. "How could you forget, Chihiro? And why didn't you call us all day?"

"I was distracted. I'm sorry, Okaa-san."

"You live in Sapporo, then?" my father asked Kohaku, looking him up and down, trying to size him up.

"Yes, Ogino-san," Kohaku replied effortlessly.

"I see. And what business do you have here?"

"I study ecology, sensei, so I'm taking a semester at the University in order to study deciduous forests of the area. Forgive me, I wouldn't have intruded had I known you were unaware of my being in town."

My father was taking note of how elegant Kohaku's accent was.

When he didn't reply, I said, "It's all my fault, Oto-san. I'm sorry but do you think we can make something quick for dinner?" I looked at my indulgent father with earnest pleading. My parents were ones to work hard at keeping modern, but I knew this unexpected visit was disconcerting. I had never brought a young man home before.

"Of course, of course," said my father waving his hand. "Your mother will make something."

A muscle in my mother's jaw spasmed. "Yes, stay here Nushi-kun and chat with my husband for a little time while my daughter and I prepare something."

I glanced at Kohaku but he completely kept his cool and replied, "thank you." I said a prayer in my heart for Kohaku having to put up with my father. If my dad found any fault in Kohaku or anything odd, I'd be forbidden to see him. Things would become even more difficult. As it was, the plan was for him to stay in the tiny guest cottage we had out back. There was only one semester until term was done. Then I'd have the summer off. It was then I'd start looking for a place to house Kohaku, in the countryside. We'd work, save, we'd pay the rent for him. It'd be all right. I wanted to make happy the love of my life, in the closest thing to his home: nature. It would be a difficult few months. It was only April and I had class until June. In that time, Kohaku had to be kept secret. If things went well today, he could "come over" every once in a while, but he'd be pretending to live somewhere else. It was a big risk. What if something slipped up? What if my parents somehow discovered no one was staying over Anka's, that her family had never heard of Haku Nushi? What if my parents decided to have a relative over to stay in the cottage? What's more, what if they simply went in there? I had to trust in Kohaku: that he'd know and learn and understand all that was expected of him in this wretched place for now, and know how to hide. I did feel, in my heart of hearts, some guilt. I felt as though perhaps I was asking the impossible by asking a dragon to domesticate. I also hated lying to my parents.

Soon, though. Soon. Soon he'd be free, one with nature again. Guilt be damned. Like Kohaku'd said, it was his decision. My job was to realize that I was truly loved by another being: once divine, now a human. My job was to realize I deserved it. It was hard when my mother started looking at me like that as we entered the kitchen, when I heard my dad start his man-to-man conversation with Kohaku, who was really a thousand years old. It was hard to believe things would be all right. All we had was faith in our love and our sacrifice.

* * *

**to be continued...**


	6. tension

My mother was silent as we stirred the vegetables and fried the fish. A few times she sniffed disapprovingly at me. This was her usual routine when she was caught off guard or was oppressed by my father's abrasiveness: in this case, both had occurred. The only time she addressed me was to ask, "and how long is this young man here for?" to which I sighed and answered morosely, "only a semester, Okaa-san."

I managed to sneak away momentarily and check on the guest cottage while daylight still favored me. It was relatively clean and there were sheets and blankets on the bed. I'd wash some more tonight and bring Kohaku fresh ones. I couldn't imagine how strangely he must have been feeling, now being human. But throughout dinner, he maintained absolute control. What he thought of my parents' bantering over sports and education and the economy I still don't know, because he maintained dignity in front of them and never afterwards mentioned his thoughts. I can only imagine his surprise at the obtuseness of my parents, how subtly nasty they were to each other (and perhaps a little to me, as well) and their inconsideration. They didn't really care about Kohaku, they merely paid attention to how well he answered the interrogative questions, "what do your parents do?", "and how did you manage to pay for school?", "you must miss the city, you know, we've been there countless times to visit family and we love the Yosakoi Soran Festival, do you go often?"

It's a testament to my beloved's strength how well he answered every question. Then he turned to me at one point and said, "Chihiro seems the kind of daughter who would do anything for her family. In fact, I'm absolutely sure she is." As my father harrumphed, looking at the ceiling, and my mother giggled into her napkin, Kohaku dared a tiny wink. I felt myself turn pink. Leave it to him to remind me of the best of myself when I was feeling my most insecure.

By the time Kohaku was to "leave," after dinner, my parents had forgotten about him and were too focused on the fight that was bound to occur as soon as he left. This was better for us, at least they were distracted. At one moment, I was able to whisper to him, "head down the street and come back only when you see there's no one watching. Meet me in the little house in the yard." He nodded.

"Now, you know the right stop off the J line, is that right?" my father asked Kohaku as means of goodbye.

"Yes, sir. Thank you again for your hospitality. And you, ma'am, thank you. Dinner was delicious."

"Anytime, Hayao!" thundered my father.

"Haku," corrected my mother icily, smiling dangerously at Kohaku. "And, you're welcome. Good night."

My father gave him a look meant to exist only between men. Kohaku's face remained completely blank. He turned to me and said, in a friendly, young and affectionate way, "thanks for showing me the town today, Chihiro and for having me over for dinner. Maybe we can meet up sometime later this week."

My smile of relief was completely genuine. "I'd love that, thank you. Get home safe, I'll see you soon."

"Sayonara!"

And off he went down the street to take the bus to Anka's. My parents closed the door and inside the house, my mother began to mutter insults under her breath and my father began calling her out on it.

I crept up to my room, calling down that I'd like to be left alone while my parents fight, if that's what they had to reduce to. Once there, I ran to my window and opened it. I looked for a way to climb down and found I could hop from roof level to roof level till I was on the ground. By the time I was to take my last jump down to ground level, I saw Kohaku. He opened his arms and I jumped down into them. He had come back quickly. It was paradise, his embrace, like immersion into warm water. I released him, received a tender kiss, and led him in the darkling twilight to our guest cottage. Once inside, I assured that he would be all right here, that I'd be back with blankets and that I'd stay with him all night. His green eyes were large with emotion: whether it was fear, apprehension or desperation I couldn't tell. I caressed the hand that was in mine.

"How are you?" I whispered.

"Fine, Chihiro. How are you?"

I sighed. "Fine. I'm sorry about my parents."

"No, I understand," he said. "Are you really OK?"

I looked into his eyes. "I just want to leave this place so badly."

"I understand," he said.

"You were brilliant at dinner." I grinned in the dim light of the dark living room.

Kohaku tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "You do all that you need to do," he said. "I'll wait for you for as long a time as you need."

"Why don't you stay in my bedroom tonight?" I asked. "It's your first night, and I want to be close to you."

"Is that safe? Is there no way your parents can hear us?"

"Yeah, I'll keep the door locked and play music till we sleep."

"All right." Kohaku sighed. "I'm sorry that there's tension with your parents. I know you love them."

"I'm glad you know that," I murmured. "I forget."

* * *

**to be continued**


	7. order

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lol i was very young when i wrote this, and still dreamy

Kohaku and I climbed up to the window of my room. Once inside, I turned my lights on low, so that things in my room cast shadows in the half-light. Kohaku looked around. I did too. I had never noticed, but I had always been drawn to nature, and my room was proof enough: it was colored earthy colors, from the walls to my bedding. I'd always collected sea-shells and dried poppies. I loved feathers and bamboo plants, thin curtains and the sea shore. Even my clothing had floral patterns and I loved fur and leather and anything from the earth. I used to make jewelry out of seeds and hemp and gemstones. I used to paint lotus blossoms in ponds and cherry blossoms and koi fish. But, then, I owned many electronics: phone, laptop and also that huge plasma television in the living room.

Kohaku had done beautifully this whole difficult day, and now I could see the circles under verdant eyes. I turned on music like I'd promised and Kohaku gazed at my stereo, marveling.

"I play music every night," I explained. "My parents won't suspect anything."

Kohaku nodded. I suggested he lay down and rest. "I'm going to change into my nightclothes," I murmured, "and I don't mind if you look or if you don't. I trust you. I feel no shame."

"No, Chihiro," said Kohaku. "You maintain your modesty, for both our sakes, until we be united in whatever the human realm deems a union."

"A marriage?" I said.

"Yes. I-" he faltered. His green eyes fluttered to the ground. "I'm sorry that I haven't asked how humans formally commit to one another. I only assumed that our declarations were enough."

I blushed and went to work taking out my nightclothes as I did my best to explain: "In the human realm, there's an order to things. It's changed and morphed throughout time, and it's different in different cultures. In Japan, we've adopted the Western custom."

"What custom is that?"

"Well." I was blushing. I felt faint and delirious. "First, a proposal is made by the man to the woman and her family. Then, some time passes and a ceremony is held, with many witnesses, so that the bond be validated by community standards."

I took the opportunity to hide behind my armchair and hurriedly change into my pajamas. I couldn't believe what a day it had been. I couldn't believe Kohaku was here with me.

When I emerged, Kohaku asked me, "Is there a ritual to the man's proposal?"

My heart fluttered. Was he going to ask me? What consideration he had for his new world. What consideration for me and the fact that I was part of the human world and subject to its customs. I urged us to sit together on my bed.

"It's formal," I said, "for the man to speak from his heart about how much he loves the woman. And ask permission to wed her forever."

Kohaku gazed softly at me. Breathlessly, I asked, "do river dragons marry?"

Kohaku released a peal of laughter. "Yes, when we unite with other rivers, we marry, as you say. It's intimate and changes us completely. Our waters become one, we flow in and out from one another and carry life to and fro. That's how we consummate."

I bit my lip. I couldn't help myself saying: "That sounds a little similar."

Kohaku smiled, lowered his eyes tenderly and asked: "really?"

"Yes." Then a thought occurred to me: "Was your river ever connected-? I mean, before your river was dried, had you formed a union with another river?"

"No, I was a lone river," replied Kohaku. "I think I was waiting for a human with pink shoes to fall into me."

I blushed so deeply, I had to place my hand on my chest, look away, and sigh in delight.

Kohaku took my hands. "I've already asked so much of you, Chihiro," he said. "You've offered me access to come live here in the human realm with you. You've provided me with care and protection. You've risked your own family's peace. I can offer you so little right now. I'm relying on you to help teach me the ways of your world, so I might embrace it and learn to cultivate it, then provide for you. This is my dream and my desire, to succeed in the world of humans, all so I may provide for you just as though you were my adjoining river. I offer this wish to you. I understand if you can't take it now, or have to wait, or if you don't want it or feel you may change your mind some day. I respect you for everything and anything you do and will do. So, in my offering, I ask you to marry me." He squeezed my hands.

I couldn't speak. Why couldn't I speak? Assuming it wasn't enough, he continued talking, "I'm asking you to marry me in the way humans sees fit. I know some things about the way humans demonstrate their love and bring forth young. I want to be with you and only you this way, and offer you children to keep safe. I offer you everything I am and everything I strive to be. Everything, for you. But, the decision is yours. Don't feel indebted to me. Live the way your heart desires."

I could hardly breathe when I said: "Kohaku, you sacrificed immortality to be with me. There's no other path for me, there's nothing else I could ever want. Yes, always yes. I want to be with you my whole life."

Kohaku scooped me in his arms. I continued: "I want to be your wife and follow you with all the trust in the world, and have your children."

"Thank you," he breathed. We held tightly to one another as my lamps glowed around us, acting like stars in a sky Kohaku once flew through. Eventually, he whispered that we needed rest. I agreed and we laid down together. I reached for him and he lay next to me. He was warm. I loved having his weight beside me. He still smelled of the bath-house.

I wished for him to feel peace. As I fell into a calm sleep, he turned my lamps off, curled back beside me and slept.

* * *

**to be continued...**


End file.
